Saturday, June 17, 2017

Changes Ahead



Change is supposed to be a good thing - the old cliche of when one door closes, another opens. I am trying hard to believe that this is a true statement. I have experienced loss on a couple levels this week, including my relationship ending at the beginning of the week. Happy Monday to me as my life shifted gears and I am hurt. Not heartbroken, but sad and hurt. I spent the next day sitting in my room, trying to gather my thoughts and deal with the reality that I was going back to the single world and my whole summer had just changed. I was struggling to wrap my head around things ending as abruptly as they did, though I made the final choice. So, I rhetorically asked the universe what other shit it wanted to through at me this week. Dumb question. I scrolled through Facebook and learned that a lifelong friend had suddenly died. No reason why at that point. He was just gone.

Universe: 2. Me: a big fat 0.



I tried hard to not take a negative spin on everything, but how should I stay positive? I am aware of how blessed I am on a normal basis. But this week has just been an absolute struggle for me. I feel that I lost my identity in my relationship, and I have to find my way back to me. Also I needed to grieve both losses and needed to live in the moment and cherish the time I had with my friends and family. Because clearly, as I have learned, it can all be gone in the blink of an eye.

I have shed a lot of tears this week. I have learned a lot about the kind of person I want to grow into and what I do not want to be. And more changes are underway. Though I feel slightly overwhelmed with this whole week, I am trying to remain positive and see the bright side of what is yet to come. Today, I celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday. The first joint birthday party with her father since we divorced. I realized how much we have grown since then. I felt peaceful sitting there with my ex-husband and his wife as we chatted about the kids and upcoming events. I am grateful that we are able to celebrate together the moments like that.

I asked the universe for different things over the last few weeks. I have to believe that what has been removed from my life will be replaced with experiences and blessings bigger than I can imagine. After learning several lessons this week, it is my goal to apply what I have learned to the next stages of my life. I am a badass. If anything, I've got this. I've got me.
Bring on the next stage of my life because I am strong enough to embrace the change, and I am ready.

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