Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Think Like A Man

We all know that most men and women don't think alike. In a recent conversation with a group of girlfriends, we lamented the fact that men never ask for details when juicy gossip crosses their path.

Husband: John and Jane split up.

Wife: No way! How did you find that out?

Husband: John told me.

Wife: You're kidding! Did he say why?

Husband: Not really.

Wife: (secretly exasperated) Did you ask?

Husband: No. 

Wife: (not-so-secretly exasperated) Why not?

Husband: If he wanted me to know, I guess he would have told me.

This is a conversation that has probably happened in almost every relationship at least once. Our approach to communication, conflict, parenting, friendships, family relationships --- all different.
Men might say we want to know allthethings because we're nosey and like to gossip, but I disagree. We need to know what happens the next time we run into Jane. Do we pretend we don't know? Should we be mad at John on Jane's behalf, or vice versa?
I have encountered this same conversation repeatedly during my ten years of marriage. It may even start differently ---

Husband: I have a work barbeque thing for families this weekend.

Wife: Saturday or Sunday? Where? What time? Is it an all day thing? Do we have to bring anything? Can the kids come, too? Will we need bathing suits?

His job is done. You've been informed. The burden of details falls on you. Many women have accepted this role as keeper of all information that does not fall under one of his three categories: "Things that Interest Me," "Things that Make Me Money," and "Things that Get Me Laid."

To be honest, I could take a page from this book. Men's relationships appear so easy; they lack the complexities and sticky, unending web of female/female friendships. Why do I care what Jane and John are doing? Unless John moved into my basement, it doesn't affect me. It's his work event so if he has to go, he can either get the details or go on his own. It's not the end of the world. 

We burden ourselves with all this bullshit every day. Who's feelings will be hurt? What will people say? How will it look?

Fuck it, Janes. Think like a man and ask yourself "how does this affect me personally?"  If it doesn't, let it go and move on. You've got more important shit to worry about.

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