Monday, May 29, 2017


To quote a poet from before my time, "School's out for summer!" Teachers have been dreaming about this time of year since August or September. We have spent the last 36 weeks teaching, coaching, and guiding your children. We are ready to send them back to you, parents.
Many parents are in panic mode. What are we going to do with these kids all day long? What do you mean I have to listen to their whining and complaints of boredom within the first 36 hours of the school year ending?!?

As a teacher and a mom, it's a weird place to be. I teach seniors, so I see my students for the last time before they go into the "real world" and become real adults. I'll be spending the summer with my own children who are 2 and 3 (I'll accept all the prayers, good vibes, and sacrifices you can spare.)  I'm ecstatic that the school year is finally over but terrified of being around my own little minions constantly. Please, don't get me wrong. I seriously love my children more than anything else in the universe. But, I'm definitely not stay-at-home-mom material. I'm more geared towards the 17 and 18- year-old crowd. Tomorrow is my last day, and I'm already planning our summer together in hopes that we all survive with a minimal number of emotional breakdowns.

By the end of the summer, my children will be as cultured as humanly possible. I hope to be on a first name basis with the curators of every museum within a 50 mile radius. Is there a limit to how many times a toddler can visit a science museum? How about an art museum? We will also become permanent fixtures at our local zoo. When I realized I could bring a cooler to the zoo, life became better. If we just go 3 times a year-long family membership will pay for itself. Plus, we will see all the animals, and I get to hear my kids attempt to say their names. Many of our friends with pools have said, "Bring the kids over whenever! The pool is always open!" They have no idea what they have done. This mama isn't getting into a bathing suit because, ewww. Gross! But don't be surprised if you wake up to two littles and a tired mama wading around in the pool. #SorryNotSorry.

I like to tell myself that I will employ the KonMari method to my house this summer, but let's be realistic. Summer will be full on survival method in this house. I will know that I have been a successful mother if the following occurred: the kids were bathed either by bath, rain, pool, or sprinkler at least once a week; the kids ate 3ish meals each day; I didn't start drinking wine until at least noon; CPS didn't show up. That's it. That's how I will measure success in my world.
So, to you moms who have elaborate vacations plans and will be doing adorable DIY crafts with your children, rock on! You are unicorns, and I want to be adopted by you. To you moms who are winging it every day and just hoping to survive until bedtime, let me welcome you to the tribe. No one is going to judge you for the mysterious stain on your yoga pants which have never seen the inside of a yoga studio. Let the kids run around while I refill your mama sippy cup. Do you prefer white or red?

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