Saturday, March 18, 2017

Until Now

How the fuck did we get here? 

Raise your hand if you have no idea what to do next.

Before the election I wrote an article questioning how DT became a presidential candidate. I analyzed how we, as a country, failed ourselves so magnificently. I wrote that we were going to to come together and heal from all of this after HRC's election. We were going to ensure that men like DT were shown that chauvinism and other hateful behaviors would not be tolerated. That we, as Americans, are better than that. I couldn't fathom how a woman could ever vote for this man. 

I wrote that heartfelt article never entertaining the idea that DT could and would actually be the American President. How could a "business man" and vile reality star be our Commander in Chief? It couldn't happen. Our country would come to its senses. Good would prevail. People would actually think about the meaning of his words. I watched the coverage on election night like someone watching a car accident. You can't look away, but you understand the horror of what you're seeing. But I didn't understand. It didn't compute. My brain was trying to protect me from something that I couldn't handle. 

As I finally went to sleep, I drifted off with the hope that some technicality would pop up, hopeful that my beloved country hadn't lost its fucking mind. And then I awoke, went to my conservative workplace, and listened to the joy of those around me, while I wanted to apologize to every person of color that I saw. I was heartbroken, Please understand. I didn't start this race in HRC's camp. My candidate didn't make it to the final round, so I looked at the choices in front of me. I did my research. I looked into "HER EMAILS" and decided to stand with her. I focused on the things I value and hold most dear. First and foremost, I believe that we should be respectful of other people.

When I looked at DT as a candidate, I saw a man who makes fun of people with disabilities, a man who views women as things to be used and tossed aside, and a man who has no idea what it means to look out for anyone but himself. A man who uses fear and hate speech to encourage masses of people that have had to surpress their prejudices in their everyday lives. A man who would do and say anything to win. A bully.

On the other hand, I saw a woman who was trying to unite us in a common goal of moving forward in a positive way. A woman who speaks about respecting all people, even the least of us. A woman who speaks about the importance of individual choice in reference to our bodies. I have no idea what another person is going through just by looking at them, and even if I did, it's not my place to make decisions for them, especially not life and death decisions. Or decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives. I saw a woman who values children and the average American working family. A compassionate woman. A woman who shows great restraint and poise in situations that would have me removing earrings and handing off my purse. 

I never published that article. I was and still am stunned that we are where we are. I wake up and open Facebook or the news to read the fresh daily horror. I wonder how his supporters feel now. Are they really surprised that he turned out to be exactly how he portrayed himself? Are they somehow shocked that the campaign promises he made are hollow? That he has turned out to be the monster that we have been screaming he is? 

I honestly try to stay out of politics. I do my research and talk with my husband, but I don't voice my political beliefs. Until now. I am ashamed of our American President. I am horrified about the things he says and does. I don't know how we're going to survive the next 4 years, but I'm going to teach my children right from wrong. I'm going to teach them compassion. And I'm going to teach them about 1930's German culture, because I think it's going to come in handy.

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