Friday, March 24, 2017

I Am Worthy

On Christmas Day I made a decision, after a less than pleasant text from my boss, to leave my job. My New Year's resolution was to find a new position by my birthday. I sent out resumes, feelers and networked with people in my circles.

Fortunately, I received some call backs and emails. I went on a flurry of interviews and even got a couple of offers, but none of them were the right fit. I was skeptical of the companies that were requesting interviews, asking myself "Why do they seem so interested in me?" and "Are they legit?"


Is my level of insecurity so high that I can't even believe that I'm hireable? Apparently the answer is yes.

I recently started a new job with a great company. So far it's good. It's a stable environment, and I feel valued and appreciated. My tangible contributions are helping me to understand that I am a valuable employee and an asset to a company. hat's something that was seriously lacking at my previous job.

So why was I so hard on myself? And why do I fear success?

I have always been encouraged to downplay my contributions or talent, so as not to seem like I'm bragging and to ensure that no one around me is made to feel like "less than."

Why do I fear success? Why am I scared of being happy?

For the first time in my life, I won't be living paycheck to paycheck, constantly worrying about every single penny. This feeling makes me nervous for reasons that I can't quite articulate.

Am I scared that if I admit that I've found success that it will all be taken away?

Am I scared that if I share my joy in my new found security that I'll seem like I'm bragging? Will my friends begrudge me the happiness? I feel like that's often the case.

Our society is so competitive that we don't even rejoice with our loved ones before jealousy of their accomplishments creeps in.

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