Wednesday, January 18, 2017

PTSD Warriors

Denial. Confusion. Manic behaviors. Suicidal thoughts. Isolation. Misplacing blame. Feeling like nobody cares.

These words describe someone with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. The media often links PTSD to veterans and military personnel, but there are millions of non-military people who live with PTSD. People like my husband.

He experiences the above behaviors. They were caused by a series of unfortunate and traumatic events in his life. Maintaining a balance of emotional and mental strength is a necessity in my daily life. I am learning that being soft, caring, loving, and understanding during trying times are molding me into a stronger person.

The hardest days are when my husband's extreme mood swings occur, and I watch him go from a lovable, humorous man to a manic fucking monster. Those are the days that knock me on my ass.

To know that the people who cause many of these behaviors are walking around without a care in the world is absolutely maddening to me. After two years of marriage, I am astonished that this man is even upright most days as I continue to learn about the childhood events that damaged him emotionally. I love this man with all of my heart. I try to be his protector, which is a struggle for both of us. How do you protect someone from their past or their family? The reality is, you don't. You stand beside them, work through it, and be their source of strength and guidance when they feel they have none.

I am amazed at my ability to remain standing and keep our family and lives together during the tempestuous times. I am proud of myself for remaining strong and calm instead of going on a murderous rampage when I have to interact with the people who caused his torment. I am proud of myself for maintaining enough self control to keep my mouth shut and not speak my mind when confronted with those situations.

My husband and I are very blessed to have such an amazing support team. This team has been my back bone, my strength, my leaning post, and my shoulder to cry on. Team Crown and Monster!

Note: This is not my story; it is my best friend's story. She asked me to share her story so that her voice may be heard. She wants everyone to know that even in the darkest of times, there is light. And there is support. There are people that have your back. No matter what the struggle is, you are never alone.

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