Wednesday, August 17, 2016


Dating in 2016: What the fucking is happening in my life? This thought runs through my head 4,285 times per day, every day.

After navigating the dating world for some time, I've met great people, weird people, and of course, a few douchebags. When I initially returned to dating, I ventured into it with the full intention of making quick decisions about the men I dated. My plan was to go out with them, talk to them, and then make a decision about whether or not they were right for me. Then I would execute on that decision by either ending the relationship or by pursuing it.

Until late spring, men I met fell into the category of the former - men who I couldn't see a future with for one reason or another. Those men were difficult to say good-bye to because they didn't necessarily DO anything wrong. They just weren't for me. I got through the good-byes with them, mostly unscathed, and kept my eyes open while moving forward.

Then. It happened. Shit got complicated. 

A guy I had decided not to pursue stuck with me as a friend. He's an amazing guy - good-looking, smart, witty, fit, and kind. Marriage material, for sure. We have a ton in common, but I just could not get there. We still hang out on occasion and talk almost every day about our mutual interests. I will myself to pursue a relationship with him, but I can't. Maybe it will change; maybe it won't. But wait! There's more...

Simultaneously, a former love interest reemerged and suddenly called me every weekend to get together. This former love interest was someone I once thought could be my person. It soon became clear that he was only interested in fucking. Honestly, I thought about only having sex with him. He was cool and fun to talk to, and there were no strings attached. He was moving out of town in late summer, so there was a time/date stamp on our spending time together. At one point in my life, I would have cut off my arm to spend time with him. But once I realized he was only interested in being my fuck buddy, I started to care less about him. Then things became even more complicated...

I met another "someone" whom I connected with through our mutual interest in politics. I'm usually more politically savvy than most men but not with this guy.

In May, I went on a date with this person, who I now call "This Motherfucker," for a variety of reasons. When we met in person, I thought I might actually hate him. Because of this, I didn't really care how I behaved or what I said to him. As a result, I embarrassed the fuck out of myself but still had a great time (as you do when you DGAF). The next day, I dusted myself off and completely wrote the guy off as a one-time thing. But then we reconnected and talked frequently about life, family. politics, religion, everything. We continued the cycle of not seeing each other and then reconnecting again and again.

Now, I have no idea what's happening between us. Some days we are hot; some days we are cold. Sometimes we talk all day; other times we don't speak for days. We have yet to discuss what either of us are looking for or what we want out of this. But we like each other. It's that thing where you "know it's there, but cannot define it." Who the fuck knows what's happening? Certainly not me. I have decided to embrace the uncertainty.

Dating in 2016 is the most nebulous, malformed, undefined, squirrelly, indiscernible bullshit on the face of the planet. There are no relationship definitions or quick, clean answers. Remember that whole thing about being decisive and executing the plan? BZZZZ!!! Wrong. Life is messy. Relationships are complicated. People are unique. Circumstances are always changing. 

I suppose the moral of this story is - fuck traditional dating rules. If you want to survive dating in 2016, stop attempting to understand the dating world, and stop putting relationships in a box. Let things run their course and stay focused on taking care of yourself. Trust in yourself that you will make the right decisions. Given time, we will all begin to understand what the fuck is happening.

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