Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Red Flags In New Relationships


New relationships are fun and exciting. We all search for love, companionship, a partner. We long to feel the rush of attraction. The thrill of the chase. Love is amazing, but it can also break your heart if you don't pay attention to the flags. What are the flags? Every person has them; they are the indicators of our true selves. Are they green flags, yellow flags, or red flags?

In the initial heated rush of a new relationship, it is easy to overlook a partner's flags. But you have to stop yourself and heed these flags. Do not willfully ignore them. I say this because an issue that is mildly annoying now, may spell disaster for your relationship later. There are so many factors to consider: What if you move in together? What if you're married? What if you have children? I'm asking you to stop, think seriously, and make an informed decision.

Here are questions to consider when beginning a relationship. Please note: I use the pronoun he for the partner, but know this works for partners of both sexes. And I use she for the ex, but again, both ways.

1. Does he have a relationship with his kids? And if he doesn't, why not?

2. Does he pay his child support?

3. Does his ex take him to court on a yearly basis?

4. Does he live with his parents? If so, why? Who is paying his bills?

5. How does he treat his mother? His ex?

6. Everyone has a crazy ex, BUT some people feed off of the drama. Is he over that relationship?

7. Looking at his crazy ex stories, can you determine if he was a contributing factor to her craziness? How much of her crazy is just her personality and how much of her crazy is a reaction to him being a deadbeat/douche/loser/liar? It happens!

8. Does he have an addiction to alcohol, food, gambling, or porn? If so, what is he doing to maintain his sobriety? What is he willing to give up?

9. Is he still married? If yes, why? If yes, how long have they been separated?

Please ask your potential partner these questions and listen to their answers. Use their actions as indicators of their future behaviors, and not just their words. Remember that you cannot change someone else. If they do not want to change, then cross them off of your to-do list!

Be honest with yourself and don't be afraid to walk away. Walking away may hurt now, but it will save you much pain later on.

Love yourself! Choose you!

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