Find Your Tribe, Love Them Hard

Find your tribe, love them hard. 

Like you, I was born into this world needy, starving, and blaringly, harshly alone—screaming, howling…and I've rarely ceased screaming since. The only real change has been that I learned to scream silently. Admit it, you're screaming too. Yes, I hear you.

When we are hungry, our bodies scream for food. When we are thirsty, our throats beg to be quenched. When we are lonely, our souls scream for companionship. When we are horny, our bodies ache for touch. When we feel lost, our spirits scream for understanding. 

So we keep screaming throughout our lives—piercing, aching, heartbreaking wails for nourishment, literal and figurative. As we matured from infancy, our brains simply developed enough to understand that our incessant primal screaming brings the opposite of what we howl for.

Women are relational and nurturing, yet also innately wild and fiercely protective. We long for connection while we prevent ourselves from having it because of insecurities and jealousy. It’s this contradiction which brings a lifetime of confusion and a state of chaos within our spirit and, which then often bleeds over into our lives. We pit ourselves in direct opposition to the very thing which will calm and nourish our souls—our fucking tribe. 

While men are considered the more competitive gender, women are seen as petty and spiteful, bitter and jealous far more so than men. Yet men find their tribes far more easily than we women do. Why? At the root of our resistance to finding our tribe is our competitive nature, which rears its ugly head most often in the form of jealousy. But jealousy is nothing but our own fears SCREAMING in our heads that we are not good enough. We feel flawed and unlovable, unworthy and inadequate.

Your overactive mind and your ego decide these things. We can't be friends with her…she's too skinny. (Every fat cell in your body screams, "Will I look fatter next to her?") We can't be friends with her; she's too pretty. (Every insecurity screams, "Will my partner prefer her?") We can't be friends with her; she's too successful. (My failures scream, "You look like a hot fucking mess compared to her?") We can't be friends with her; she's too smart. (Will I feel dumber than a box of rocks next to her?)

We feed into our jealousy and insecurities while simultaneously longing for our tribe. What many women don't understand is that finding your tribe will quiet those screams. Your tribe will encourage you to find, see, and accept the wonders of who you are, in spite of the obnoxious jealousy monster, ego, and fear. When you are fighting the internal battle against some fear-manufactured competition/war that your ego wants to keep going, your tribe will always make sure you win.

Your tribe though, your tribe… As your screams quiet from accepting the nourishment, value, and protection the glorious circle of soul sisters brings you, your ego (insecurities, fears, jealousies, etc.) diminishes, and your soul is satiated. Your ego gets quieter and quieter as you see yourself as part of the pack and allow them to accept, adore, and love you down to every last flaw and imperfection you’re consumed with. If you can't learn to love your imperfections through the hearts and eyes of your wise and knowing tribe, you'll at least learn how to laugh at those insecurities. Laughing at your imperfections  brings with it the reward of inner strength and confidence that we get when we laugh straight in the face of our fears.

Take that jealous bone out; put it under the magnifying glass. Look closely at it, laugh at it. Love it's shade of greenish disease, embrace it. Give it a day of ultimate attention. A week or a month, whatever feels right to prepare yourself for the big goodbye. Look at that chaos causing piece of you up close and personal. Look at it from every angle with raw, brutal, rip-your-gut-out honesty. Then when you've given it all the attention it needs, grab a hold of that fear, that tells you every day you're not totally fucking wondrous exactly as you are, with both hands and break that mother fucker. Bash it against the table … stomp on it … scream at it for creating chronic chaos inside your soul. See it for exactly what the fuck it is and how it’s held you back. Pound that fucker into dust! Then blow away that dust like a dandelion as you make the astounding and life changing decision to accept yourself. Accept your soul, your face, your personality, your hair, your feet, your stomach, your legs, your ears, and even that mole on your leg. Accept every last inch of yourself inside and out. 

Get out there and find your fucking tribe of women warriors to champion a new chronic war with you—the war against ever letting those same lies and bullshit fears interfere with your life ever again. Hand that fucker to your tribe for a ceremonial destruction so permanent, neither the fiercest fears nor the strongest bad-magic will ever let it be put back together. 

The confidence, love, encouragement, and unconditional acceptance from your tribe will NOT prevent you from finding the love of your life, the job of your dreams, or whatever it is that your soul screams for. Your tribe will get you there! You'll feel and exude the confidence to attract a good, healthy relationship. You’ll have the security to attempt to fulfill your actual dreams rather than go through the motions of life, accepting whatever crumbs of joy get tossed your way. You will be the master of your life and destiny. You will have a wolf-pack of fierce and amazing woman-warriors behind you every step of the way. They will lift you up when you fall. Protect you when you’re scared, and encourage you to keep pushing forward when you're tired and starting to doubt yourself again.

Find your tribe. Cover them with big sloppy, adoring kisses as they embrace and honor you exactly as you are! Find your tribe and love them hard.