Thursday, May 12, 2016

JanesList: How To Explain 13 Naughty Words

When you have kids, you end up answering some very strange questions over the years. Questions from six year olds like, "Where do babies come from?" At that age, it's an easy redirect or basic answer. Then, when they are about twelve, "What is this hair growing on me?" Well, thank goodness for health class. The questions come and, as parents, we do our best not to let them see us sweat and give them an answer they can live with, and then move on to whatever is happening in their crazy minds. 

Just recently my fourteen-year-old said, "You called him a 'douche.' What's a douche?" This question led to an interesting conversation about what a douche actually is and what it means when someone calls someone else a douche. It was a bit strange to explain, and I received some strange looks from her as I explained. It turned out to be a funny story for my friends later and a decision to write a list of bastardized terms that we are all going to have to explain to our kids eventually. Here goes...
  • Douche/Douchebag.
  • What it is: Douche usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina. A douche bag is a piece of equipment for douching—a bag for holding the fluid used in douching. (
  • How we use it: Douchebag - Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however, has not yet reached fucker or motherfucker status. Not to be confused with douche. ( Douche - A word to describe an individual who has shown himself or herself to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas. (
  • Motherfucker.
  • What it is: A person who has sex with a mother.
  • How we use it: An English-language vulgarism. While it is usually considered highly offensive, it is rarely used in the literal sense of one who engages in sexual activity with a mother. Rather, it refers to a mean, despicable, or vicious person, or any particularly difficult or frustrating. (
  • Cunt.
  • What it is: A vulgar word for female genitalia.
  • How we use it: Derogatory term for a woman. Considered by many to be the most offensive word in the English language. (
  • Dick.
  • What it is: A derogatory term for male genitalia.
  • How we use it: Derogatory term for a man (most often). Another way of calling someone a jerk or worse.
  • Asshat.
  • What it is: Actually, it's not anything in the real world.
  • How we use it: Someone being a jerk or a moron.
  • Bastard.
  • What it is: A person born out of wedlock.
  • How we use it: To describe someone as a jerk or describe them as despicable. 
  • Bitch.
  • What it is: A female dog.
  • How we use it: A derogatory way to describe a woman who is considered pushy, mean, straightforward, or rude. Or a way to call a man a wimp.
  • Butthole.
  • What it is: The hole in the anus where feces leaves the body.
  • How we use it: A jerk or someone being mean.
  • Ass.
  • What it is: A donkey.
  • How we use it: A person acting dumb or in a stupid way.
  • Taco.
  • What it is: A traditional Mexican food made by putting meat and other fillings into flour or corn tortillas.
  • How we use it: A vagina.
  • Eating Out.
  • What it is: Going to a restaurant for dinner.
  • How we use it: When a woman's vagina is licked, bitten, or genuinely pleasured by the mouth of her sexual partner. 
  • Pussy.
  • What it is: A cat.
  • How we use it: A vagina. Or a weak man.
  • Train.
  • What it is: To teach someone how to do something. Railroad cars.
  • How we use it: A group of guys stand in a line outside a room. One by one, they enter the room to have sex with one girl inside. The line must have at least 7 guys to be qualified as a train. (
The list could keep on going, but I have to end somewhere. Post your own words and what they really mean and how we use them below please! We all know some kid we produced is going to ask eventually. So help a sister out and give us all some back up! 

References from Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, and the minds of us dirty Janes.

1 comment: