Friday, April 15, 2016

The Real Reason Women Can't Sleep: PBJ's, Fish Thoughts, & What Was That Noise?




It's now morning. Time to get up, and I have barely been asleep. I absolutely could not get to sleep last night. I don't have this problem very often, but when I do, I'm going big or going home! I followed my usual routine and put on the TV like I do every night, and then sleep just never came. My brain would just not turn off. So I thought I would give you a rundown of my brain last night. Here it goes:
  • Ahhhh…Bob's Burgers. I love this show. I wish I knew the Belchers. I would be Tina's best friend for life.
  • I've got to make sure I get up in enough time to make my kiddo's lunch. I wonder if she'll want peanut butter and jelly again. Why does she only eat peanut butter and jelly? I would get really tired of peanut butter and jelly. Oh, well. It's not my lunch.
  • Hubs is out of town. Ugh. That means I'm going to have to scoop the cat's poop. Blah!! This is why I got married in the first place. Whine, whine, whine. Stupid cat poop.
  • Starting to get a little sleepy, yay! Wait. The hubs is out of town. What if I die in my sleep??? My kid will have to find my dead body, and she won't be able to go to school. Or reach the milk for cereal or the peanut butter.
(I promptly get up and move the peanut butter and the milk to lower shelves. Back in bed.)
  • Was that a chest pain????
  • Bye, bye, sleep.
(Having thoroughly freaked myself out, I am lying in bed trying not to die.)
  • What was that noise? Was that my kiddo? 
(I jump up and check.) 
  • Nope. Just my crazy-ass imagining things.
  • I wonder what fish think about all day. Do they worry about becoming fish sticks?
  • Oooooh, fish sticks. Maybe we'll have that for dinner tomorrow night.
(Spend the next hour or so winning fake arguments in my head.)
  • Getting sleepy again…thank God. Zzzzz...
(Immediately scared shitless by my cat rattling my door to come in.) 
  • Fuck!!! Come on universe! I NEED sleep!
(Get up. Let the cat in. Pee. Settle back in.)
  • What was that?????? 
(Up again to make sure all of the doors are locked. Jesus. The cat and I are settled in and properly snuggled up.)
  • Ahhhhhh..........hello, sleep..............AND........there's the alarm.
Can you relate? Let us know in the comments!!

1 comment:

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