Thursday, February 18, 2016

10 Ways to Smash the Shit Out of the Winter Blues

I have a case of the "winter-suck." We are halfway through winter, and the weather is complete crap. Sure, I know that spring is just around the corner, but getting through the next month or so is going to be so damn hard. All I want to do is sit inside with a gallon - yeah, I said gallon - of ice cream and watch Netflix. I mean, who wants to go outside in this shit?! It's cold, my face gets chapped, and my legs are so dry and scaly that I look like an albino lizard (well, that is if you could see my legs through the VERY long leg hair that surprised me there the other day). We have reached the point in wintertime when it just needs to be done. Over. Finito.

Now, I know it seems ridiculous that I am bitching about the same thing we all bitch about every year, but I can't help it. Once the holidays are over, I'm ready for spring and summer! (Insert whiny voice here) I just want warm weather and flowers... Unfortunately, I have not become independently wealthy or found a pot of gold, so it isn't off to the islands for me. That being the case, I've put together a list of 10 Ways to Smash the Shit Out of the Winter Blues... or at least make them not so sucky!

10. Exercise. While this is probably the best option (health-wise) for us all on this list, I'm leaving it at 10 because finding the energy to do it is pretty freaking hard. So good luck! But, hey, it does work.

9. A Massage. Who doesn't love an excuse to get a good rubdown with some froo-froo smelling oils. Get those kinks out and spend an hour alone - just you and a massage therapist. If you get really relaxed you'll start to drool, then you know the winter-suck factor has lowered.

8. A Cut and Color. Look, I'm getting older so I had to add color to the cut part. Hair grows faster in the winter - it's scientific or some shit. Anyway, I always feel like a million bucks coming out of the hair salon. I have a secret girl crush on my stylist... she sure knows how to blow a girl right!

7. Music. Turn the music on and then turn it up! Crank up the stereo... do people even have stereos anymore?! Whatever. Just turn the music on. One of my favorite things to do when my kids were little was dance parties in the living room. We would laugh so hard there is no way the winter-suck could stay around. Dance it out!

6. Help Others. An amazing way to feel better is to help someone else. There is such a sense of joy that comes over you when you step outside of yourself and do something for someone else. This could mean volunteering, or it could mean treating a friend to lunch who you know has been a little down. Just get out there and do something nice for someone.

5. Turn on the Lights. It sounds really lame, I know, but one of the best ways to beat the blues is to turn the lights on and let them shine. Add some color to the world around you. Turn on the lamps or get one of those different color bulbs so each time you walk down the hall it is green. Just change it up and brighten up your surroundings.

4. Chocolate. Yep, I said it. Eat some chocolate. Again, science or some shit. There is something in that delicious bit of heaven that boosts your mood. Now don't eat the whole bag of Valentine's day Dove hearts in one sitting because you'll definitely have to exercise then. But treat yourself, indulge, savor - it is so worth it!

3. Sun. I know. I said going outside sucks, but sunlight is good for all kinds of things. Vitamin D from sunlight helps in the absorption of calcium. It boosts serotonin levels. (I keep going back to the science.) And I'll be honest - I always feel better when I have a bit of color on my cheeks.

2. Sex/Orgasm. Do I really have to explain this one? The only reason this isn't #1 on the list is because, well, it's not such a good idea to do it in public or in groups. But, come on (no pun intended - hehe), sex and orgasms are beautiful, and they sure as hell help get rid of the winter-suck... or are they caused by winter-suck?... Whatever! Doesn't matter! Just do it!

1. WINE! There is no better way to get through a sucky wintery evening than with an amazing glass of wine. If you can throw in a fire or friends or a loved one, all the better, but a glass of wine always makes my winter-suck a little less sucky!

So good luck with smashing your own case of winter blues! I'm going to grab a glass of wine and an orgasm with the lights turned on full blast. Hell, that's even exercise. I super rock! I'm kicking winter's ass!

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