Friday, November 20, 2015

JanesList: 10 Reasons Beauty Articles Can Fuck Themselves

You may have noticed the distinct lack of beauty, hairstyle, makeup, and style articles up in here. Though each of us may occasionally browse the latest blurb or two about smearing colored goo up the crack of our neatly parted hair, we choose not to spend our time eeking out our own poignant thoughts on such matters. That's not to say that folks who do choose to write about, read about, and enjoy partaking in the glitzy world of style and beauty are any less worthy or are somehow beneath us; rather, it's simply a facet of "the girl world" we consciously choose not to focus on. But why, Saera?? Why can't you enlighten us with your views on purple highlights and boyfriend jeans? Well, here's why:

1. At least some ladies in our group still sleep in makeup. Do you really want beauty advice from someone who wakes up with raccooned mascara eyes and a humongous smear of cover-up on her pillow? We thought not.

2. The world should consider itself lucky that we even wear pants. At least most of the time we do. 

3. Our combined clothing styles consist mostly of: worn-out yoga pants, over-sized sweatshirts, jeans with holes, and free T-shirts from events we were never at. Trendy, right?

4. Our favorite hairstyle: Somewhat dry. Sometimes we add a ponytail holder for good measure. 

5. Not one of us has ever properly executed applying eyeliner correctly (according to the beauty articles). How well-versed in the world of makeup could we possibly appear if we can't even draw a 1.5-inch straight black line on our face? And a little curve at the end? Forgetaboutit. #wingtipfail

6. Shades of Lipstick We Know About: Red, Pink, Chapstick. That's it.

7. What We Require of the Purses We Own: #1: Carry stuff.  #2: Don't drop our phone.

8. Honestly, we each have our personal styles and things we like and dislike in the beauty and style arena. I don't mean to brag (yes, I do), but UJ ladies can rock the hotness and can throw some serious sizzle together when we need to. That said, some of us would be hard-pressed to be seen strutting in stilettos, while others wouldn't be caught dead leaving the house in a Harry Potter T-shirt. That's what makes each of us awesomely unique. And totally unable to give credible, collective beauty advice.

9. Your beauty routine, hairdo, makeup, and personal style are all your own. They're your own personal experiment. Developing personal style should be fun and interesting and it should feel like you OWN it. Why in the hell would you give a flying fuck what we have to say about the "cool" jeans to be wearing now? Wear whatever the hell you want - what makes YOU feel good. Want to shave your head? Get rainbow highlights? Only wear lip gloss and fedoras? Who. Fucking. Cares. That's your baby! Who are we to "impart our wisdom" to you about what you should like? Do your thang, Janes.

10. I'm aware that this is going to sound "judge-y," but know that it's not my intent: There are so many more important things happening in the world than Sephora's latest newsletter or "9 Hairstyles for Fall." We believe that, while you are absolutely entitled to look around for a favorite new up-do, women's focus on beauty and style should be heavily tempered by informing and educating themselves, hustling, creating, doing, improving, helping and laughing. We should be regularly shifting women's focus off of their appearance and more toward the world around her. In doing this, we start to realize that the appearance stuff is just for fun, for entertainment and creativity. Hopefully, this alleviates some of the pressure women put on themselves to look "perfect" and reapplies that pressure to be more loving, caring, involved, happy, fulfilled, and informed citizens of the world. We at UJ actively search for and share in this kind of refocus, which is why we choose not to write about the beauty and style industries - there's plenty of that out there if you want to read about it. Just make sure you always circle back to us to remind yourselves that you are so much more than your NARS "Cruella" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil.

But make sure you send us pictures if you really do that "colored goo up the crack of your head" thing. That shit is CRAY.

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