Friday, October 16, 2015

JanesList: 5 Rules of MY Road

The world just got a little scarier - my teenage son just got his driver's license…and, yes, I have started to drink more often and heavily.

Thankfully, my son has not turned out to be one of the crazies on the road. But other drivers out there, well, they are driving me more NUTS than ever before. I have lived in multiple states, driven in and through many more, and driven in four countries outside of the U.S. So let's assume I have little experience in this area. I have to say that "the other drivers" are sometimes stupid, crazy, and just straight-up rude. I'm sure we all remember the rules of the road, seeing as every driving person has taken and passed the written driver's test. There are also unwritten rules of the road, which you learn as you go or absorb from others. Then, there are beyond clear road signs that say EXACTLY WHAT TO DO! I mean, seriously!

Today's JanesList is the top 5 Rules of MY Road:

5. U-turns: Why can’t I make a U turn at certain lights? If the green arrow says I can turn left, why can’t I just continue this through and make a U? Now I know this is not the fault of drivers, so I get to blame it on the crazy people who put up the road signs and design the roads. I just don’t get it - why can’t I make a stupid U-turn? Why are you making life so much more difficult by making me drive around a square block? This causes more driving, which causes more emissions (like how I got all green there?!) and is just a straight-up a PITA!

4. Distracted Driving: Stop texting or answering your emails! I can’t say I always follow this rule, but I’m working on it. The problem is, when you look down, you swerve, which means you come into my lane, and then you overcorrect, and end up in the next lane….not good. It has only been in the last 5-10 years that we even started texting while driving, which means before that we just DROVE. So put the phone down. Pay attention to the road. Your text or email is not an emergency and you might cause a crash. Just drive!

3. Four-Way Stop Signs: This one floors me! There are actual rules for right-of-way at stop signs, and yet it’s like people pull up to a four-way stop and become temporarily stupid! Just know your right-of-way laws - as I said before, they are written in the driving rule book. They are on many permit tests. If you don’t know, brush up. We have the Internet for a reason. These are right-of-way LAWS, not suggestions. So, please...please, please, please, get a clue and follow right-of-way protocol. Because if you don’t, there is a very good chance a whole lot of other drivers (including me) are going to take your right-of-way. And there you'll sit. For a very long time.

2. Driving the Speed Limit: Look, I’m not asking you to speed. I’m not asking you to break the law. I’m asking you to follow the damn speed limit! If you are on the highway and the speed limit is 55mph, then drive 55mph! Why is that so difficult? I’m not talking about in heavy traffic. I’m not talking about during rush hour. I’m talking about 3:00 pm on a Sunday on a wide open highway. There is no excuse and absolutely no reason for you to drive less than the speed limit. If you can’t handle driving that fast, don’t drive on that particular road. The rest of us have places to go, and people to see! 

1. Driving Slow in the Fast Lane: …which means MOVE OVER!!! Seriously. This is my absolute favorite part about driving in Texas, and in European countries - people actually follow this rule/law. I mean, for the sake of all that is holy, there are signs along the highway that literally say, “slower traffic move to the right," and other signs that, again, literally say, “the left lane is for passing only." This is not hard to understand; it's so basic. If someone is immediately behind you in the left lane, just get over - no matter how fast or slow you are going in said left lane!!

Please, people - you should know what the hell you’re doing on the road. Just remember the teenage drivers out there will learn your crazy bad habits, and we will spawn a whole new generation of crazy drivers! Please don't do that to me. My liver can't handle it.

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