Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Meet Saera Jane

It occurred to us recently that you (our amazing, intelligent Janes) have no fucking clue who the women are that run Unchained Jane. Well, we thought about blaming you for this oversight (it's totally your fault), but, instead, we determined it might be a little more fun to see which of you Janes out there is most like each of us here. We want to hear it - Are you a Saera? An Amelia? An Elisabeth? or a Margaret? We apologize in advance (we aren't sorry at all) that you're all going to have to read, over the next few weeks, several JanesLists about how weird and ridiculous badass we are, but you should know who you're dealing with here (and how many dead bodies we keep in each of our respective basements). Without further ado, here are 41 Things You Never Wanted to Know About Saera Jane:

1. Number of Husbands Under My Belt: 2 (I'm considering keeping #2.)
2. Perspective on Children: I have some. They're sticky and exorbitantly loud. But they give great hugs and say some pretty funny shit.
3. Thoughts on Pets: I have some of these too. Mostly they're a pain in the ass. But I never have to clean my floors. Let's call it a draw.
4. Number of Apple Devices in My House: 11
5. Number of Colleges I Attended Before Obtaining a Bachelor's Degree: 4
6. How Many Years It Took Me to Graduate From College: 7
7. How Many Years I've Been at My Current Job: 9
8. How Much More Money a Man Was Making Than I Was (Who Was Doing the Exact Same Job With the Exact Same Title): $25,000/year (yes, you read that correctly)
9. Number of Days Between My Finding Out and the Date That Shit Got Corrected: 63
10. Number of Pairs of Shoes in My Closet: 32
11. Number of Cups of Coffee per Day: 1
12. Number of Diet Cokes per Day: 18,492
13. Number of Times I've Exercised in the Last Three Months: 3
14. Number of Weeks I've Ever Gone Without Eating Pizza: 0
15. Number of Times I've Been Called a Bitch for Being Outspoken: 3,237,952
16. Number of Apps Installed on My iPhone: 149 (seriously)
17. How Many Times per Day I Complain About Being Cold: At least 3
18. Daytime Shoes: Stilettos
19. Evening Shoes: None/Flip-flops
20. Favorite Personal Hairstyle: Wicked Sloppy Pineapple on Top of My Head
21. Political Leaning: Skeptical of Everyone
22. I Never Leave Home Without: Lipstick, Hair Tie, Sunglasses, and iPhone
23. I Always Forget: The Time (and to Exercise, conveniently)
24. Favorite Music: Hip Hop, Alternative
25. Favorite Movie Type: Comedy
26. Number of Books on My Nightstand I'm Never Going to Finish: 7
27. Number of iTunes Songs on My Computer: 3,946
28. Favorite Alcoholic Beverages: Whiskey, Wine, and Mimosas
29. Favorite Food: Grilled Cheese
30. How Long It Takes Me to Get Ready in the Morning: 1hr, 15mins
31. Number of Times I've Ever Correctly Put on Eyeliner: 0
32. Number of Fucks I Give About That: 0
33. Household Chore I Would Exchange for a Blow Job: Dishes
34. Number of Spiders I've Made My Husband Kill: 82,349,034,384,308
35. Favorite Part of My Day: Watching My Kids Play in the Evenings
36. Number of Tattoos I Have: 6
37. Mottos: Do No Harm, but Take No Shit; Plan For Opportunities and Be Present for Memories
38. Favorite Color To Wear: Black (over some more Black...with some Black shoes)
39. Number of Hours of Sleep I Get Each Night: 5.5
40. I Get My Preach On About: Slut-shaming, Pay Inequity, Exclusionary Perspectives and Practices, Double Standards, Paid Family Leave Inadequacies, Lack of Respect and Support for All Women, Playing Victim to Circumstance, Feminism In General
41. How Many Dead Bodies I Keep in My Basement: 3,237,952 (strangely, the same number of people who have called me a Bitch)

Whatdayathink? Are you a Saera Jane? Let us know and stay tuned for the rundown on Amelia Jane, Elisabeth Jane, and Margaret Jane coming soon!


* Saera Jane *

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