Saturday, August 15, 2015

RBF? This Is My Face. But Let's Talk About ADF.

Guy in my office: What's the matter with you?

Me: Nothing. Why?

Guy: Oh, you just look a little angry. 

Me: I'm not angry. This is my face. 

Yes. I admit it. I, apparently, have RBF. Or - for those of you who haven't yet run into this confidence-boosting and HILARIOUS colloquialism - Resting Bitch Face. The technical definition of RBF, courtesy of Urban Dictionary, is "a person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to."

People who know me (and understand the distinct joy I take in being an actual bitch to indecent humans) have told me that my actual Bitch Face looks more like this:

Unfortunately, the jackass in my office isn't the first dude to tell me - however politely - that I suffer severely from the RBF. And when they do tell me, it's almost always accompanied by a little giggle or superior smirk. I mean, how fucking funny is THAT?! A woman with RBF!!! Hahahahahaha!!! 

Being that I'm a total modern-day, open-minded woman, I totally get a kick out of being told I have RBF; that I look like a meany, a bitch, like I have an anger managment problem - all without even trying! It's just so knee-slappingly funny. And it totally doesn't make me paranoid that I might convey the wrong message to those around me in every day interactions. It totally doesn't make me feel like something as personally distinctive as my FACE offends someone, all on its own. It totally doesn't apply pressure to me and my fellow RBF-ers to make sure we greet the world with a perma-smile lest we be skewered for our naturally sourpuss expressions. It's just a joke, right? It's certainly not derogatory or meant to target any female based solely upon a 5-second blip of their appearance. I mean, can you think of anything MORE entertaining?! I would laugh with you, but that could be construed as the abandonment of my bitchy persona - and then how would we all get our rocks off on the coolest punchline of all time? I just can't, in good conscience, take that away from you.

I'm just happy that I can laugh with you about the RBF - it really does build character to just sit back and laugh at yourself. So, while we are all having such a good chuckle and being self-deprecating, we really should talk about ADF and have one giant orgasmic guffaw.

Oh, what's ADF, you ask? I'm sure you've seen it more times that you can count. It's strange, though - no one seems to call out ADF quite like RBF. I can't quite pinpoint why that would be, but, since we are all getting such a snicker out of RBF, I think it's high time that the ADF-ers join in the fun.

ADF = Active Dick Face

Though you know this guy, let's go ahead and put a definition to it: "a person, usually a man, who actively and intentionally looks at a woman in a disdainful and condescending manner, as if to be dismissive and regard her as unimportant." 

See? You DO know that guy. 

I see it a lot at work. Though I love where I work (and I don't do a lot of shit-taking), there's absolutely an undercurrent of bromance dominance in my office. And when a female deigns to offer an opinion or suggestion on how to work through an issue, I see this Active Dick Face:

I see it a lot in social circles. Though I love my friends, I live in a fairly affluent area and some of the men here see women as cute, little nonsense things whose opinions are not relevant nor are they essential to their lives or the "real world." When I chime into a political or economic debate, I usually see this Active Dick Face:

I see it a lot in the news media. Though I am, admittedly, a news-whore, I can't help but notice that women in the media are downplayed or just downright ignored. There are only a few women who are allowed to have the tough discussions and ask the hard-hitting questions, and the ones who do, well, they get put right "in their place" with a lot of these Active Dick Faces from their guests:

Of course, ADF is not limited to these places; Active Dick Face shows up everywhere; it's all around you, belittling you at every turn. So the next time you see it, make sure you snap a picture and make a meme out of it.  Make sure you start a trend on social media to call it out into the public eye.  And, for goodness sake, since we are all just joking around anyway, please loudly announce it straight to the ADF's face and so you can both get a gargantuan, hysterical fucking laugh out of it.

#ADF #stayunchained

* Saera Jane *

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