Thursday, August 6, 2015

17 Ways I Love to Annoy My Husband

I love my husband. But my love for my husband is so much more than a single "I love you." It's about what a fabulous father he is, how hard he works, how intelligent he is, and, most of all, it's about how freaking easy it is to annoy him for my own entertainment. On any given day in our house, you can find me sneakily pushing his buttons and then looking at him, wide-eyed and innocent, when the steam starts pouring out of his ears. It's awesome.

Over the last seven years, I think I've honed what could be considered a Master Class in obnoxious things I can do on the regular to perplex, befuddle, and exasperate him. If you feel like you're missing out and could really use some entertainment at your significant other's expense, fear not! I'm here to share and support my fellow Janes in their quest to liven things up.

1. Get acrylic nails. Bite them off in pieces a little at a time while sitting right next to him.

2. Leave wet hair that has fallen out in the shower smeared on the shower walls.

3. Adopt more animals than you can reasonably take care of and them make him in charge of their care.

4. Create an emergency 10 minutes before he has to leave for work.

5. Create an emergency 10 minutes after he gets home from work.

6. Make him sit through every episode of The Bachelor, but don't allow him to make any comments about the show.

7. Put any clothes, shoes, or random items of his that you find lying around the house on his pillow.

8. Put on what you want to watch and then hide the remote.

9. Plans your weekends so you have no "downtime."

10. After he eats something (but before you do), tell him you're not 100% sure that it didn't go bad before you cooked it.

11. If he snores, wake him up in the middle of night to tell you heard something in the house. Go to sleep while he's gone.

12. Constantly have your phone plugged into the shared phone charger and tell him you're still charging.

13. Steal his sunglasses and leave them in your car.

14. Use his beard trimmers to shave your hoo-ha.

15. Forget your jacket when it's cold and then ask for his when you get there.

16. Use the rearview mirror to do your makeup because it's bigger than your mirror.

17. When he's in the bathroom, knock on the door every 5 minutes and ask, "Is everything alright in there?"

There you go, Janes.  That should get you on your way to an entertaining weekend! Just don't tell your significant others where you heard this - and don't tell mine.


* Saera Jane *

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