Sunday, June 14, 2015

14 Things My Toddler Daughter Taught Me About Being a Badass Female

1. Food is worth walking for. Pretty much everything else is not.

2. Sometimes when you're angry, throwing food is the only answer. Most times, it's better than the alternative.

3. Always kiss with an open mouth. That's how people know you mean it.

4. Gag reflexes work exactly how they're supposed to - things we don't want reaching our esophaguses shall not pass. Period.

5. Sometimes pitching a big fucking fit is necessary to get your point across. Lying down on the floor to do it may be taking it a bit too far, though. Ya' hear me, ladies?

6. Dance every time you hear music because it feels good. Music sets life on fire. Use that.

7. Scratching your vagina also feels good. It's yours - do what you want.

8. Whining is literally the most annoying sound on the face of the Earth. 1-year olds get a free pass. 18+ years olds, sack up and do something about it. 

9. Men don't have a patent on being a "bruiser." You might have to push a few faces into the floor or smack a couple of babies, but girls can rock that shit too. 

10. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pulling your shirt up and laughing at your belly. Love it. Own it. It's yours for the duration of your time on this planet.

11. There is also nothing wrong with sticking your finger in your belly button for good measure. Come on - it's weird and funny. 

12. Don't ever let someone hold you with whom you are not completely comfortable. Ever.  

13. If you fall down and eat shit, shake it off and keep playing. It's going to happen again, so get your practice in now.

14. It's okay to bite someone if you're really tired. Sorry, not sorry.

Now, go be your own kind of badass.

* Saera Jane *

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